collaborative_daredevil | Slavery RP Post XVIII

"How on earth--?" Hendrick asked, a little bewildered, but he hugged Toffee close and tightly. "I don't--I'm not blaming him for any of this! This is all my fault, entirely!"

"But it does hurt you when I see you as an authority." He whispered to Hendrick.

"I should've noticed this all before, I should have planned better," Hendrick started, a took a breath, looking into Toffee's eyes, and winced. "And--yes. It hurts. And I know it's not your fault, I don't blame you, I know I need to fix this, but it--I never want you to feel that way, I never want to make you afraid. Our family isn't, we're not perfect, but we should be safe, and we should be warm, and you should feel like--when I'm with our master, with Ivannya, with Jamie, with you, I feel like we're in the safe warm part of a ship, and even when there's a storm we're all together and we'll pull through. That's what I want. That's what I was trying to do, I was trying to give you the opportunity to get stronger again, to feel safer, and to move on. And I failed at that, because I'm just not smart enough to understand this. Or to listen to you," he finished miserably.

"You were trying to help, you just picked the wrong way to do it." He nuzzled against Hendrick apologetically. "You might not have had enough information about my limitations, and you didn't understand knitting well enough to judge how much work the steeking class would be."

"Then I should've researched more. I should've seen what was happening, how unhappy you were. I'm not--my whole job is being flexible, seeing around corners, understanding people. And I am a failure at seeing you," he said, holding Toffee tightly. He felt horrible.

Toffee seemed to be feeling better now, and Hendrick was the one who needed affection, but he wasn't getting it yet.

"You set up the classes early, trying to make it easier for Toffee." She put in gently.

"You're not a failure. Don't speak of yourself like that," Barba said firmly, coming to comfort them all. Ivannya wrapped her arms around his waist.

"We all found Toffee hard to read--and I was home with him all hours of the day, it would logically be my fault," Jaime pointed out.

"But we should all move forward together," Ivannya said. "We'll back off, but Toffee shouldn't lie to us again."

"I'll do my best not to." But he didn't think he'd actually lied to them, just not told them everything.

"Telling us you're fine when you're not at all fine is lying," Ivannya elaborated at the look on his face. "It counts, right?"

"It does," Barba said simply. "I'm not going to punish you for this, Toffee--I don't think it would be reasonable or fair, and I understand you weren't acting like this with any understanding of how it would hurt the rest of us. But it's still not acceptable to lie about your health and status to the point where you nearly collapse from exhaustion and have a mental breakdown. I nearly had a heart attack when Marnie called the office," he said sternly.

He whimpered a bit, but nodded.

Maybe he should talk to Ivannya about making Hendrick's sweater first. Then Instructor Marnie cleared her throat.

"Possibly a weekly check in meeting would be useful to you? Where you each brief the rest of the household on your current workload."

"Would you feel better if we punished you?" Ivannya asked, peering at his face. "Sometimes it makes me feel better."

At the same time, Barba was nodding to Marnie. "That seems quite sensible--we can keep track of each other's habits and health, and make sure that nothing gets awry before it's too late and everyone's trust is damaged."

"I...I'm not sure." It could help, show them that he was really sorry, but he was scared of it too.

"I would advise against punishments involving withdrawal of affection in general." Instructor Marnie added.

"No, absolutely not," Barba said firmly and a little coldly. "Nobody is getting punished for this, nobody at all. Toffee clearly did not mean to hurt any of us, and wasn't aware of the consequences for his actions. He wasn't acting maliciously or thoughtlessly."

"It wouldn't be fair to punish you for being traumatized," Jamie said quietly. "It's not your fault you're like this."

She nodded approvingly as she saw the tension leaving Toffee's body.

"Would you like me to order a meal brought here for you?" She asked quietly.

Barba looked at them all, and they were all visibly emotionally wrecked. "I think that would be best," he said quietly. "It's a good time for an early dinner, anyways. I appreciate this help, Miss Marnie--it's invaluable."

"You are entirely welcome." She checked her tablet quickly. "Dinner today is a choice of pork goulash, lamb stifado or beef ghormeh sabzi, all served with a choice of rice, crusty bread or noodles."

"I think pork goulash and bread, they need something hearty and filling," Barba said, sitting closer and letting his pets cuddle up to him. They were all so upset still, and clinging to each other. "And water bottles, if that's possible? Not the barrel-shaped ones, they send my Toffee to a bad place."

"Of course." She phoned through for the meal, adding DA Barba's specifications, and requesting the ghormeh sabzi with rice for herself.

Barba looked at his pets, holding on to each other. "Do you think that encouraging them to have a bit more kneeling time would be helpful?" he asked Marnie. "When Jamie was first added, Ivannya and Hendricks' rivalry got out of control very rapidly, it was rather awful. But back then I completely forbade them from speaking to each other at all, and that did the trick. I'm not sure of how to manage this dynamic instead. I don't know how to help Toffee if he won't or can't be honest."

Toffee flinched at that, and she frowned at DA Barba. "I think that if you can make time for trust building exercises that would be the best option. He hasn't been yours long enough for that to override his trauma. And I think it's going to be very important to build a no into every suggestion you make to him - that applies to everybody."

"What kind of trust-building exercises do you recommend? We've been to a spa together once, and it was very warm and pleasant, but I don't think Toffee enjoyed the experience much with me," Barba said, neutrally. "And with my other pets, the first way we bonded was with sex, and obviously that isn't going to work here," and he softened that statement by cradling Toffee close and kissing him silly.

"And what do you mean by your last statement?" he asked when his pet was limp and happy and no longer looked dejected.

"Toffee has difficulty saying no directly, but I think that making it explicit, rather than implicit that no is an option it will help him a lot.

"As for trust building exercises, you can try trust leans first, where one person leans into another's arms and trusts them to take their weight. Or leading another person around carefully while blindfolded."

"I understand--it'll remind him that it is an option and we are not going to punish or hurt him for any refusal," Barba said with a nod. "And I certainly can do those with him, as we all can--do you think having Toffee get more familiar with the other house spaces would help? Having him spend time in the study, in the laundry room, perhaps even in some private restaurants?" he asked. "I want--Toffee walks around as if this isn't his home too."

"Some of that will come with time. How easy is it for Toffee to get his travel knitting when you all go out? I know that a lot of crafters who take a small project with them for travel prefer to have it by the door."

Barba frowned thoughtfully. "I have noticed him not bringing it as of late; he always seemed rushed and anxious. I don't quite know why that was happening, however."

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