collaborative_daredevil | Slavery RP Post XVIII

He'd missed the implications, but his other pets seemed to be catching on. Having a space of your own was good, but not when you felt you had to confine yourself to that space.

"Leaving it near the door will make taking it along easier, but as of late he's been stressed mostly due to his classes."

"But I've also noticed--" and he paused, trying to rephrase, "I'm not sure how to live while being held at arm's length, at building trust there. When I first got Hendrick, he was pretty easy to get to know, and was very happy I'd snatched him up when it was really not the thing that was done. And with the other two, they settled in with work. But we've tried giving Toffee work to do, and that hasn't created the effect we wanted. What will, besides more time to heal and relax, and what can--what can get through to him that we're trustworthy?"

"The problem wasn't actually a lack of trust, it was the wrong type of trust. He trusted you to know his abilities better than he does, and you need him to trust that you'll listen if he tells you he can't handle something. More consulting with him about what he can handle is the best way to build that sort of trust."

"I've never--I always think of my pets as competent, as being, I suppose you could say experts in their affairs," he said slowly. "Jamie and Ivannya are quite independent."

"You're more used to your pets being comfortable standing up for themselves, and Toffee isn't there yet."

"More than that, I--" he frowned and focused on petting Toffee, smoothing his hair and gathering him close. "I'm not terribly good at taking care of him yet. I've taken care of my other pets when they needed it--when Hendrick crashed after semesters or difficult tests, when Ivannya was almost killed, and when Jamie got heat stroke. But I already knew them by then, I saw them get the flu or need reassurance after an evaluation. I think I just don't know what Toffee wants me to be to him. And I fear that until he gets to know and trust me, and vice versa, I'll keep making errors like this." He breathed out. "I want to know how that makes you feel, Toffee."

"You won't be meaning to hurt me." He looked up at his master with complete faith in him. "It's okay if you don't know exactly how to take care of me just yet."

"You're so sweet," he murmured. "My sweetheart. Such a good boy," and kissed him. "I want you to work on getting better. And I want you to--to tell me when you're afraid, when something isn't working. Or when I've been rude or callous. My job involves being cold, ruthless, pressing for answers, questioning people, looking for weaknesses. I've not got the gentleness you got from Mr Rand."

"I'll try to, I promise. Is it okay if I tell one of the others if I'm not comfortable saying it to you directly?"

"Yes, of course. I know pets feel safer with other pets most of the time," he said softly. "But when you're--when you realize you're behaving like you don't have any choices and can't refuse us, can you indicate that?"

"I can try. Instructor Marnie said she'd work on helping me say no?" And he glanced over to her hopefully.

"Yes, I will." She promised with a smile.

And it was then that the door was knocked on, and half his pets jumped, and the other half looked a little sad but trusting.

"Instructor, I would help you get the cart, but unfortunately if I move I think they'll be very put out," he said carefully.

"That isn't a problem." She assured him, going to collect the cart and serving the pork goulash first.

"If any of you want to try a taste of my meal I requested a bit extra to make it easier."

Barba assumed that the offer was solely for the pets, and took a perfunctory bite of soup so they'd feel okay eating.

"Instructor, may I try?" Ivannya asked very quietly. "And, um, Toffee, can I ask you a question?"

"Of course you may Ivannya." And she glanced at Toffee.

"You can ask, yes."

Ivannya thanked her and took a bite. And then she asked in a deliberately calm, perfectly decorous voice, "Does it um, does it upset or frighten you to see us handfed as well, Toffee?"

"No, that's okay. I saw it with Danny and with Matt, and it didn't upset me there either. Frightened me the first time I saw Matt handfeed Danny, but he wasn't upset by it at all."

Ivannya nodded thoughtfully, eating her goulash very slowly. She felt no appetite whatsoever; her gut kept twisting at the idea of Toffee crying alone at night. "What have--what've we been doing that's made you so upset sometimes, then?"

"I think a lot of it's been internal, I haven't really had much processing time recently."

"Do you want to start changing clothes alone?" Jamie asked abruptly. "When you look at yourself or you see us looking at you, you cringe. Are we doing it wrong?"

"You're not doing anything wrong, I just...it's really hard to think I'm a pretty sight without my clothes."

"But--it's not--" Ivannya sighed deeply, and rephrased herself. "Okay, you can disagree with us on how you view yourself, whether you think you're pretty or not. But we do see you as pretty, and cute, and beautiful, and desirable, and when you behave like we're going to vomit by looking at you it's like you don't think we can think nice things of you--it's like you think all your low self-esteem is right and our opinions are always wrong if they're nicer."

"Toffee, would it feel okay for you to be nude with the rest of the household while you were blindfolded, and let them hold you and show you how much they treasure you like that?"

He perked up at that idea.

"Oh, yes that sound good."

"We should absolutely do that," Ivannya said immediately. "Except--should we still not touch that one brand on your hip that you cover up with band-aids?" she asked, wanting to be sure that they wouldn't hurt him.

"Not that one, no." He agreed with Ivannya, grateful that she'd remembered.

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