collaborative_daredevil | Slavery RP Post XVIII

"I think a lot of it's been internal, I haven't really had much processing time recently."

"Do you want to start changing clothes alone?" Jamie asked abruptly. "When you look at yourself or you see us looking at you, you cringe. Are we doing it wrong?"

"You're not doing anything wrong, I just...it's really hard to think I'm a pretty sight without my clothes."

"But--it's not--" Ivannya sighed deeply, and rephrased herself. "Okay, you can disagree with us on how you view yourself, whether you think you're pretty or not. But we do see you as pretty, and cute, and beautiful, and desirable, and when you behave like we're going to vomit by looking at you it's like you don't think we can think nice things of you--it's like you think all your low self-esteem is right and our opinions are always wrong if they're nicer."

"Toffee, would it feel okay for you to be nude with the rest of the household while you were blindfolded, and let them hold you and show you how much they treasure you like that?"

He perked up at that idea.

"Oh, yes that sound good."

"We should absolutely do that," Ivannya said immediately. "Except--should we still not touch that one brand on your hip that you cover up with band-aids?" she asked, wanting to be sure that they wouldn't hurt him.

"Not that one, no." He agreed with Ivannya, grateful that she'd remembered.

"He doesn't want anyone to touch it or anything, he doesn't want us to have it removed yet," Ivannya said quickly to their master. "We checked and we avoid it."

"I'm not ready to have it changed yet, not until I feel more comfortable with thinking about it."

"When you are, tell us, and we'll discuss options then," Barba said simply. "You don't need to worry about it until then."

"And we'll just bandage it when we show you how much we love you naked," Jamie said easily. "We're happy to touch your body in other ways. You're so pretty and your skin is so soft."

"And it smells delicious, like flowers in a summer night," Hendrick murmured. "Especially when you were working out and haven't showered yet, I want to sniff you so much then."

"Master smells good when he's been working out too."

Jamie was blushing a little at the talk now, and Barba nudged Hendrick. "You should eat your fill," he directed very gently. "And Toffee, darling, I'm not going to order you to think of yourself better. But I would like you to consider that when you think your opinion is objectively true and ours objectively false, you will likely upset and annoy the others."

"Not objectively true, just strong enough to override my reactions. If I'm blindfolded I won't be looking for you to flinch away the way I can't help doing normally."

"And when we make it good for you, maybe that might help you trust us a little more?" Jamie asked hopefully.

"It might help me start to believe that I can be pretty." He smiled sadly at Jamie. "It's not that I don't trust you, it's that I'm still caught in reacting to them sometimes."

Jamie hugged him at that, wordlessly sad at that, but understanding that it wasn't his fault. "Just tell us when you're feeling like that, and we'll be more careful," he pleaded. "The fact that I've hurt you makes me want to cry."

And in fact Ivannya was crying now, remembering how upset and sad and hurt she'd been after her murder attempt, how she'd felt like an open wound for so long. But she had never been lonely--never had to cry alone or hide her wounds. And the idea of it was making her sob, and she felt selfish and attention-seeking, which made it all the worse.

"I will, promise." And he reached out to tug Ivannya and Hendrick into the hug as well.

Ivannya snuggled into him, weeping still, and she cried out, "You never should have been alone!" and clutched on, sobbing out apologies for crying, utterly beside herself and working up to full hysterical screaming with upset.

"Instructor Marnie?" He looked at her with wide, frightened eyes.

"Ivannya, it's okay to by upset and to cry, no one's upset with you for that."

"Ivannya," Barba said very firmly, very calmly, "Ivannya, you need to calm down a little now," and he moved behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist and finding her diaphragm, manually pressing on it in a slow, even rhythm to try and help her breathe more normally. After a few rather frightening moments where she was still spiraling out, she slowly moved to normal sobs, and then sniffling.

"Darling, it's alright to be upset," he said softly. "It's okay. We don't expect you to be perfect about all this. You just need to try and take some breaths. We're all safe here, my lovely pet," and she nodded, gulping air and clearly trying to restrain herself a little.

"Safe and loved." He promised her.

Ivannya nodded, sniffling now, and whimpered a little when someone handed her a box of tissues and she began loudly blowing her nose. "Sorry," she said when she could talk in more than gulping breaths. "Sorry sorry. I'm just sad, because Toffee--when I was really having a hard time, when I was crying and scared all the time and completely broken down, it sucked, but I wasn't ever alone, and I never felt like I was completely on my own, and it really seems like you feel that way, and Hendrick said you were crying alone at night, and that's just--that's the worst part. I should have been there for you. We all should have been there for you. Can I make it up to you? Can I do something that will at least try to fix it? I know no more pet-parks, only once a week at most, and Master said he'll get you a bracelet you can wear all the time to remind you how valued you are, and we'll take better care of you and listen better, but what, what can I do?"

"Nap with me again. I really enjoyed it and I miss it now."

"Okay," Ivannya said with a nod, and then blew her nose again. "Okay. I promise. I will."

"And I'll teach you how to cook things," Jamie promised softly. "I didn't mean to make you feel completely incompetent or anything. I can show you how I do it too."

"And I won't push you into doing anything," Hendrick vowed. "I know I've been awful but I'll change."

"You didn't make me feel incompetent, just seemed possessive of the kitchen a bit." Then he turned to Hendrick. "Not awful, just thinking I need the same things you need."

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